Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's Been a While...

Even though we don't know each other very well, I feel the need for a little honesty. Right after I started this blog, just days after my first post, I entered one of the most difficult periods of my life. Everything turned upside down for me. And I'm not a girl who is used to things going badly for me. I found myself fighting to restore my life in almost every area, and for a bit there I "dropped my basket." I couldn't or wouldn't deal with just about everything, and looking back, I see that I was dangerously depressed. But I was one of the lucky ones. I woke up from my nightmare.

The depression started last August, truth be told. There was a very unfortunate sequence of events leading up to it all. I had a very bad car accident, my second in a year. I was single, and feeling rejected. I wasn't exactly on speaking terms with God. One of my closest friends met the most amazing man and got engaged. And then the holidays hit. To make matters worse, I had the genius idea to pretend like everything was fine. But I was a zombie. When I wasn't required to be somewhere, I was asleep in my house or blowing money I didn't have on things I didn't need in the name of "retail therapy." I don't tell you this to garner sympathy, far from it in fact. It's just the backstory to where I was when the bottom fell out.

The bottom fell out in the most unexpected way. I can't say much about the "how" of it all, but just know that it was earth shattering for someone who is used to being praised. The worst part was that I knew some of the accusations were grounded in truth. And so I did what I needed to do--I found the strength to fight.

It's been a long road from February to now. Some of it has been unpleasant, as owning up to our faults and failures often is. But the rest of it has been revolutionary. Restoring the things in my life that I allowed to break has taken time. Some of my friendships still aren't mended in the way I hope they will be. Getting my finances back in order has required some serious work. I'm not always the person I want to be, but sometimes I just have to embrace each baby step and know that Scarlett O'Hara had the right idea. Tomorrow is another day.

This is a lot of honesty to put out there all at once. But it just felt like the right time to start talking about it...


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