Anyone else come to the end of their energy but still have a lot of week left? That's kind of how Friday is feeling for me. I have so many things that I really need to take care of, but I seem to be lacking in motivation. Hopefully, I feel a little more motivated come Saturday, because my house needs some serious help. Too many weeks of dealing with school stuff or pretty much anything other than my house is showing, worse than it normally is. (Shut up, Sheena! hee hee)
I've been thinking about Lent this week. Growing up Catholic, Lent plays such an important role in your life, even if you don't really get the whole thing. As a kid, I remember giving up something and then pigging out on Sundays because Sister Nancy always said that Sundays were "little Easters" and didn't count. When I was old enough to understand, I chose not to observe the whole "giving up" or "adding" thing, and then I became Protestant and no one really even mentioned Lent at all. Maybe it's because I am in this place of spiritual indecision about denominations and rules and what-have-you, but I find myself really wanting to pick up some kind of Lenten practice this year.
I've been thinking about what I could focus on and a few things have come to mind. I could spend more time reading the Bible or focusing on some form of study. I could find ways to give charitably of my time and my money. (When I was a kid, my mom made me iron the altar cloths. It easily took me three hours to do it correctly, so it's safe to say ironing for Jesus is probably out.) I could practice being kind like my friend, Jessie, has been. This morning, during my short trip to work, something else came to mind---forgiveness. I know that as Christians we are supposed to be all about forgiveness, and when it's easy, I am. But there are some things that I am hanging onto that weren't little things that someone did to me. They were the kind of big that you just don't get over. These are the kind of things that grow hate and bitterness.
I'm not saying that I won't read the Bible or give charitably during this time, or practice kindness. These are things we are supposed to be doing all the time, but I will admit I don't. I forget or get busy doing something else and lose my focus. But I really feel like this forgiveness thing is what I am supposed to be working on for the next 40 days. I don't know what that will look like. I have a feeling that it will be more about what is in me than what happened to me. Either way, prayers would be appreciated.
I didn't really intend for this to become something serious, and yet here we are. Hope you have a lovely weekend!
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
ReplyDelete(It's attributed to Mark Twain, but I'm not entirely sure it's his.)
I think about that quote any time I hear the word forgiveness, but I can't say I really, really understood it. But now that I stare at it and read it and really consider what Mr. Clemens might be implying, I'm left realizing forgiveness may ask us to give the best part of ourselves when we're being crushed...which doesn't always end in reconciliation, but maybe does end with peace of mind?
Forgiveness is HARD. And just when you think you've accomplished it . . . you find you still have seeds of anger lurking. You're wise to focus on it. I wish I had some tips that worked!
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is very hard-I have a hard time letting go often.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note-let's see some before/after shots of your cleaning spree!
Forgiveness....means more than saying sorry! (hope you picture me singing that while I eat six tubes of toothpaste!)
ReplyDeleteKatie, I am reading a book right now that might help you with forgiveness of those who hurt you in the past and yourself. The book is a confident heart by Renee Swope. I am reading chapter 4 right now just finished it actually and it is about forgiveness. We all struggle with this. Some more than others. I actually just had a similar conversation with my mom yesterday as she is having a hard time forgiving. My prayers are with you in your journey to forgiveness.
ReplyDeletethe website for Renee Swope is
http:/www.reneeswope.com