I will be honest and say that maybe wedding season is part of it. It's hard to be the perpetually single girl while it feels like everyone else you've known ever in the history of the world is coupled up and walking down the aisle. (Slight exaggeration? Yes. Is that how it feels sometimes? Uh huh.) And that's not to say that I'm not happy for those couples, because I am. Some of them have waited a long time to get their day and I would never want to rob them of an ounce of joy. Just the same, sometimes I just can't be a part of it. Sometimes I come up with really feeble lies because the truth is hard. And I know how selfish that is, but I also know my limits. And right now, one more wedding and I will scream.
I oscillate between wanting with everything I have to be married and not wanting it at all. Which sounds crazy, I know. It's just that for every happy couple, I seem to know one who is going through some kind of agonizing heartbreak or worse yet, break up. Part of me wonders if Paul knew what he was saying when he said that some of us were best off to be single. Of course, in the next breath, I am knee-deep in planning an imaginary wedding to an imaginary man. So I suppose all hope is not lost. What can I say? I'm a woman of contradictions.
I say all that to say that I am aware that I am not the only one who feels this way. So, if you are somewhere in the middle, looking around thinking how life is not at all how you'd imagined (and not in the good way), remind yourself of this. Repeat it over and over until you believe it. Because trust me, I will be.
Katie, I remember when I went to my YOUNGER cousin's wedding when I was in my late 20's and I broke out crying at the end of the ceremony. I felt so foolish, but it hit me that I was supposed to be NEXT in line to get married, but had no boyfriend at the time...nothing on the horizon.
ReplyDeleteI was "always the bridesmaid"...not quite as bad as the movie with a closet full of dresses but it sure felt like it.
Hang in there. As you know, being alone is better than being in a bad marriage - or getting married because everyone else is.
Have you considered joining an internet dating service? I ask because I know a few people who have had great success using one. I have a male friend from my church who met a woman on a christian site. Guess what? They just got hitched.
Give it some thought! Be kind to yourself!
I think there is more pressure these days given the internet and television...so much wedding talk, decor, dress, etc...it is everywhere it seems. Be kind to yourself and true to who you are. As you say, for every happy couple there are many out there who got so caught up in the idea of the wedding they lost sight of the marriage that would come forever after. You have a lot to offer...hang in there!
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