Of all the posts over these 30 days, I think this one stands to be the most serious. I'm not very good at the serious things. It's much easier to deflect those things that are difficult to talke about with a joke. So, here goes nothing. Something that I am afraid of is being alone. Now allow me to clarify, I am not scared of being single for the rest of my days. I'd rather not be, but if that's how God wills it then, what am I to do? I can deal with single. Alone is a whole different animal.
I don't do alone well. Sure a day off from the world is nice, but when I go too long without human contact, I start to get antsy. I need connections to the people in my life and that isn't something that I would readily admit not so long ago. I get lonely easily. I want to feel wanted. And those two sentences have gotten me into more trouble than I care to think about.
And before we go too far, I know that Jesus is always with us. I get that. But sometimes, I need more than the metaphysical. God's good to provide me with people who step in and act on my need to see what He's getting at. I think that often times, His messengers don't even know that they are. And that's okay. I kind of like it that way.
I don't know what the future holds for me. I would like to sit here and say that I know it holds a husband to share life's adventures with, but I can't. There are no guarantees. But I know that God is good, and I am continually asking that He makes His will for me the desire of my heart, even if that will is for me to remain single. And trust me, that's taken a long time to get to.