Three posts in one day. I know, I just can't seem to stop talking today.
I've been overweight all my adult life. I know I've mentioned that before, but it's worth restating. Even when I lost weight (with the help of a "doctor" and meds), I was still nowhere near where I am supposed to be on the magical charts. It bugs me that this is true, not because my self-worth has anything to do with my size, but because I know that I am not healthy. I have diabetes, heart issues, and a predisposition to strokes in my family. I don't want to live the rest of my life the size I am, simply because it's not good for my body.
The problem is food and the way I deal with food. I am an emotional eater, and I freely admit it. If I'm sad, I eat. If I'm really happy and celebrating, I eat. Will power is non-existent. I mean, I'm sitting here right now, trying to focus on writing and taking care of a to-do list a mile long, but instead I'm thinking how I would take someone out for a chocolate bar right about now. It's crazy! I really want to lose weight, but I just can't seem to stick to it.
If you are addicted to drugs or alcohol, you can quit. You don't need those things to live. But it's different with food. I wish that I could be the person who only eats healthy things and who loves to work out, who can be happy with a little progress who doesn't feel wrecked when she falls off the diet bandwagon, but I'm not that girl. It should be easier because I live by myself, but that's actually harder because there's no one else around to see. I'm just really struggling to get it together right now. Anyone else know what I am talking about?
I completely relate, and there are five other people in my home to see me. I didn't start puting on weight till I was 28 and then it was as if something went mechanically wrong with my metabolism. However my thyroid is not to blame. I eat too much and I exercise too little. When I eat I feel satisfied for a little while, and I know it's filling voids that should be being filled in other ways. Ultimately I need to find true satisfaction in God, but as I type this, I say, "How? How do shin people do that? Even thin, fit Christian people seem, for the most part, obsessed with food--the controlling of it vs. being satisfied in God." I know that Weight Watchers helped me lose 19 pounds, but when I told the WW meeting leader (as I weighed in one day) that my goal was to lose 100 in a year, her response crushed me. She said (in a clipped North Carolina accent) "That in't gonna happ'n." I felt so defeated I wanted to scream. I also wanted to grab her and say, "Hey ,lady, keep your opinions to yourself. You're supposed to encourage me. 100 pounds in a year is less than 2 a week. It's been done. Say "you're ambitious!" and then let me try. It's not like I said 300 in a year! If I "only" lost 50 in a year, it would be a huge victory for me! Can you tell this is my soapbox?
ReplyDeletethin people, not shin people! I've got to slooow down and then prooooooof read!
ReplyDeleteI followed you Zoanna! And more over, I agree with you. I've got to start back and Weight Watchers, even though I was out for a couple weeks and I know I gained weight! Ugh!
ReplyDeleteHello, my name is Sheena and I too am addicted to food and allergic to exercise. We should start a support group!
ReplyDelete