I miss performing. I have been a singer all my life, and outside of singing the National Anthem for my high school from time to time, this is the first time in a very long time that I haven't had a place to sing for people. I know what the girls and I used to do was worship and not performing, but it filled that place for me. I'm not supposed to say that, it's supposed to be all about worship and it was, but I took pleasure in the idea that we sounded good, too. I miss applause. And even compliments, though I am terrible at accepting those. I am actually a little shy, especially one on one, and I always get embarrassed. Give me a whole room, and I will be nervous, but get passed it, though. Give me one person paying a compliment and I duck my head like a little girl.
I miss the atmosphere, too. Not talking really talking about the worship setting here, but even farther back, to my actual theater-style performing roots, which I did as a child and through my teen years. I love that feeling of butterflies right before and that glorious moment right after when you know that you nailed it just like you'd practiced! The laughter of the crowd or the tears, and that wild applause after the final number. If you've ever done it, it's easy to see why they call what you catch performing a bug, and why it is so hard to get out of your system. There's no real cure for it, even time does't do it for some of us.
I guess that's why teaching appealed to me, partly anyway. Between the hours of eight and three you may finding me singing or doing goodness only knows to gain the attention of my fickle audience. And what worked for the last show may not work for this one. But when you have them, when they settle in and really listen and beg for one more chapter, it's pretty great.
But I will always cherish the years of my life from seven to twenty, when time was something there was to spare and the stage was the most comforting place I knew. And I will always, always think life needs just a few more opportunities for applause.