Overwhelmed

Back in January, I declared that my word for the year was presence, and that my goal was to remember that if I was following God's plan, then His presence was with me.  What this year has felt like so far can also be summed up in one word:  overwhelming.  Not exactly what I was going for...

Teaching seems to become harder with each and every year.  (I really thought it was supposed to get easier with time...)  More regulations, more testing, more hoops...all with less money, less time, and less help.  I love my job, I really do.  But it's such a huge responsibility.  I'm responsible not just for what I teach in five different subjects, but for my students' test scores (which is a conversation for another time), and the general public's perception of what I do every day.  And let's not even get into the now real and ever-present reminders that school could at any moment become a less than safe place for anyone.  Yet sadly, too many people in society think of teachers as glorified babysitters who are paid too much and have too much time off.  And I can't decide if that makes me want to cry or throw a fit.  Maybe both.  

As if that wasn't enough, my side job is exploding with life, too.  The national GED test is getting ready to change next year and so we are encouraging people to get in and finish their degree now.  The new test will be computerized, harder and more expensive, which is not great news for many people who haven't finished.  This means that my prep classes are bursting at the seams with people.  Great for job security, a little insane to try to keep up with.  Again, overwhelmed.

Forget that I'm trying to help stage a musical for the first time in my life, plot out a track schedule this spring and just live a somewhat normal life.  I feel like I don't get to see anyone or do anything, and all to frequently this leads to me stress-eating from a pan of brownies, crying on my couch about how hard everything is.  And I get that nothing in my life is actually that difficult.  But dealing with it all on my own makes it feel more difficult than it really is.  As I was laid up with a sinus infection this week, I thought about how nice it would be to have someone pick up my medicine for me or fix supper or run a load of laundry.  It's not that I can't do these things myself, but sometimes I just don't want to.  

And all of this means that I don't get a chance to deal with my blog like I'd like to.  I miss "talking" with you, my sweet and wonderful people.  But at the end of the day, something has to give, and a lot of times, it's the 15 or 20 minutes it takes me to collect my thoughts enough to put them down here (longer if I put up pictures).  I know I keep saying that it will get better and I will get more time, but I don't really know that it is true.  And making more goals like "I'm going to blog every day for a month" only adds to the list of things that are already overwhelming me.  So much of the time it feels like I just can't win.

I just feel like I am barely surviving most days.  Is that normal?