New Year's Eve

I couldn't let yesterday's post be the way I ended the year.  Not that I feel badly about it, quite the opposite, but I just didn't want that to be the note I went out on.  So, bear with me.

While I can't really remember a New Year's Eve of the last ten or so years that has been much to crow about, the New Year's Eves of my childhood were magical.  My little brother was born on NYE, so each year my parents threw a party. They would invite my extended family and their friends, and there was always plenty of food and cake.  When the birthday part was over, the adults would play board games and watch movies while we kids did whatever it was kids did at the time.  I don't know that I lasted until midnight that often, but when I did, it was equal parts embarrassing and fun to see our parents hug and kiss and celebrate the coming of a squeaky-clean year.

As we got older, the kids declared the need for our own celebration, and I remember one year in particular. I would have been in eighth grade, thirteen (always young for my grade).  My friends and I got permission to go across the field and have our own after-dinner celebration at my cousins' house.  We thought we were big stuff.  Four teenage girls, five or six older teenage boys goofing off with no parents.  It was the stuff of coming-of-age films.  (Not the crappy ones now with too much, too soon. It was a celebration, not an after-school special.)  I remember watching Field of Dreams with my first teenage crush, wishing desperately for my first kiss (which I didn't get).  And laughing, oh how we laughed.  When I think of New Year's Eves, that's the one I always think of.  Not a party dress, confetti-littered, Hollywood-manufactured image, but one of laughing with friends in our early-90's clothes and big hair, hoping for a midnight kiss.

The years have come gone.  The kids of that night now have kids of their own.  We've lost parents, gotten married, gotten divorced, experienced highs and lows that we never could have imagined then.  And if we could have, would we have wanted to?  I think that's the real beauty of a new year.  We don't know what's going to happen.  Chances are, it will be a mixed bag.  And that has to be okay.  Each moment is golden if you hold it in the right light.  The mystery is part of the beauty.  And the kids will be alright.

New Year's Honesty -- Read At Your Own Risk

This break was not the break I thought it would be.  I don't really even know what I expected, probably too much.  That seems to be a theme with me.  I always build things up in my mind to be this certain way...more somehow...even when there's no real reason to.  And the optimist side of me thinks this is a good thing, but my realist side says that I'm setting myself up for failure.  I think we all know who usually wins this argument.

I spend a considerable amount of time trying to convince myself that I'm happy.  Is that normal?  I mean, I get real glimpses of happy from time to time--sweet, shining moments--but they are always braced with grounding reality.  Maybe I've just spent a little too much time snowed-in this week.  Being alone with my thoughts has always been dangerous for me.  Add in the reflection that comes with the beginning of a New Year, and I'm pretty well screwed.

Each year begins with so much hope.  And at the end, I look around and see how little is different with me.  Same job, same single life, same, same, same.  And it's not really that any of those things are inherently bad.  I like my job.  I like pajamas and popcorn for dinner.  But what if there are things out there that I might really love?

I know, I know.  We can't live our lives in the 'what if.'  That's not how it works.  We'll drive ourselves crazy and maybe that's what I've been doing.  Life isn't about how we expect it to turn out, it's about what we're actually given and learning to be grateful and all of that.  I know that in my head.  I get it, I repeat it, I try to live it.  But sometimes it's just not enough.  Right?

I'm not whining.  I'm just asking.  Because I'm 31, and I thought someday there would come a point where I didn't feel like such a kid.  Not in that 'kid at heart' way, but in that 'I don't have any idea what I'm doing' way.  I see these people who are my age around me with so much direction and sense of purpose and it feels like they know something I don't, attended a class I missed.  And I don't know what to do with that.  I've never known. And I just wonder if that's normal.  It would be nice to feel like I'm part of the majority, because I don't really know that I've ever felt like that.  (Yes, I know we aren't supposed to compare, but let's get real.)

And so, I spew all of this onto the internet, because I am really tired of talking to myself.  A little New Year's  catharsis is good for the soul, right?

Why I Hate Snow

We received almost a foot of snow on Christmas night.  I don't know exactly when it happened, but I am officially to the point in my life where I hate snow.  Don't get me wrong, I love cold weather because it's the only time of year I am comfortable outside, but snow is really hacking me off.  Here are a few reasons:

1. It messes up the plans I had for Christmas Break. No visiting with Tara, no dinner with friends.  Nothing.
2. What's worse than snow when you already have the time off?  Save that stuff for January or February when I am jonesing for a snow day.
3. I don't have anyone in my household to help me, so if an emergency arises, I have to be a damsel in distress.
4. You have to get snow off of every thing to even begin to think about going anywhere.
5. Delilah, my insane cat, hates snow.  It really freaks her out and she screams and tries to attack me when I come in from outside.

All of this, and a little more, is how I ended up having the traumatic morning that I just survived.  I can't find my snow boots (which are actually muck boots), since I have only worn them to measure discus in the mud pit the last couple of years.  I've looked everywhere, but they are nowhere to be found.  Undeterred, I got bundled up and put on a pair of old Doc Marten's and went out.  The cleaning off of my car wasn't really that bad, if you forget that it's sort of sitting in a snow drift on one side.  However, somewhere in that process, my windshield wiper came apart, and I was not smart enough to put it back together.  I decided this wasn't a big deal and I would just run over and ask one of my neighbors to put it back together before I went anywhere.  

I go back inside to take off my snow covered stuff and what's sitting on the stairs?  A mouse, which Delilah had chased out of the main part of house onto the stairwell.  I stared at the poor little guy for a second or two, and then decided that being the liberated, single woman I was I would take care of it myself.  I opened the door and tried to shoo it out, then found a bucket and tried to convince the little guy to run into it.  Both were disasters, and the poor little guy was just scared and exhausted (and kinda cute, like Gus Gus on Cinderella!).  And so, I ended up going next door and my sweet neighbor, without flinching or questioning, came over and fixed the windshield wiper and took Gus outside and if I had a normal life this would be the end of the story, but I don't.

I took off all my snow clothes, but Delilah could still smell me (and the snow on me) and she began to flip out and try to attack me. Normally, this isn't a big deal and I can ignore her and she will calm down, but not so much today.  She chased me around the house until I could trick her onto the closed-in porch (where her litterbox and food are) and lock her up.  It was a comedy routine of throwing blankets and using a leather briefcase as a shield until that happened.  And I looked like I'd had a full workout, sweat and all.  

And I blame snow for it all.

Merry Christmas!!

I'll be spending time with my family for the next couple of days, like I hope all of you will be as well, but I wanted to take a second and wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!  If it snows here like they are forecasting, you may be stuck with a whole lot of blogging from me later this week!

May your holidays be filled with love and laughter and grateful hearts!

Observations on Kindness and Christmas Shopping

I went Christmas shopping today, because I am both a procrastinator and someone who hates to shop on the weekends when everyone else is if I can avoid it.  And as much as I dreaded it, it really wasn't that bad.  The trauma of last week seems to have made us a little nicer to one another. I didn't have or see one unpleasant interaction, and let's be honest, people tend not to be their best selves in the Christmas crowds.  Normal, mild mannered people will shank you for a bicycle or a 50%-off sweater.  But not today.  Today, people smiled and said hello to one other, even if they were strangers.  Shoppers were an extra measure of patient, sales associates a little more helpful. Everyone seemed to be taking care of everyone else. At least, that's how it felt.  Maybe I was just paying more attention.  But I hope people really were different.

I don't know if any of you follow Ann Curry on Twitter or have heard this somewhere else, but she (much like my dear internet friend, Joyce) asked people to commit random acts of kindness and it's really catching on.  It's been restoring my faith in humanity one tweet at time.  Seriously, search #20Acts or #26Acts on Twitter and read for yourself.  It's beautiful.

The only question I have is why do we have to wait for something so terrible to happen to remind us to be amazing.  If you are Christian, part of our call is to show Christ's love to others, and I know I fall short of that all of the time.  What if we committed 26 acts and followed it with 26 more over and over and over?  Evil will never truly overpower good.  I hope that we can all find ways to remind the world of that, now and always.

Wednesday Hodgepodge - 12/19

1. How will you spend 'the night before Christmas'? 

With my mom's side of the family eating too much food and reveling in the crazy of  having lots of relatives in one place, especially this year.

2.  What is one thing you are not?

I am a terrible housekeeper, which has been well documented here.  Get to take another shot at it after I finish my Christmas shopping now that I'm on break!

3.  Fudge-are you a fan?  Your favorite flavor?

Absolutely.  Especially my mom's ribbon fudge with peanut butter and chocolate.

4. Did you attend any craft/vendor fairs in the month of December?  Do you prefer homemade goodies or the more professional stalls? Are you giving any homemade gifts this year? 

The only craft fair I attended was in November, but it's become a yearly tradition with my mom and sister.  I like a mix the homespun and professional, and tend to buy at both.  This year, I am giving handmade spoons and a beautiful table runner (and neither of the people they are going to read my blog, so we are safe!)

5. What's your favorite type of holiday gathering? 

I like pretty much any gathering where everyone gets together and eats and celebrates.  But I am looking most forward to all of my friends being home and getting together.  Love those girls with all of my heart and they make me laugh until my belly hurts.  

6.  We're approaching a new year...what's going to be different in 2013? 

My attitude.

7. Share a favorite scripture, quote, saying, or song lyric relating to peace.

Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me. 
 Let there be peace on Earth, the peace that was meant to be.  
With God as our father, Brothers all are we, 
Let me walk with my brother in perfect harmony. 
Let there be peace on Earth,  Let this be the moment now.
Let there be peace on Earth, Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment, and live each moment in peace eternally.
Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.

I can't count the number of times that I sang this during Mass growing up.  It remains one of my very favorites, and the prayer of my heart.  A close second is this: "Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors and may each new year find you a better man." - Benjamin Franklin

8.  Insert your own random thought here.

I'm wishing everyone a very lovely Christmas celebration!  Really hoping to actually get some blogging done while I am off!  

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