Despite how much I don't really want to, today I am going to sign up for access to the gym at SCC. They have a new awesome facility and I can join for $25 because I'm a teacher. My sister has promised to come work out with me, so I have no excuse. I'm tired of being fat. And that's what I am.
I have never been skinny, not in my whole life. I wasn't always this size, but even in high school I was one of the heavier girls. The thing is I know that I don't have to stay this size. When I had lost weight before, I loved it. I loved trying on clothes knowing they would fit. I loved not dreading going shopping for a new pair of pants. And it wasn't like this was that long ago. It was only about two years ago now when I was at the smallest I can remember being in my adult life.
I want that back. I want to go somewhere and know that I won't be the biggest girl in the room. I want to wear clothes and not be embarrassed about what I look like in them. I don't want to look in the mirror or at a picture and wonder, "How did this happen?" I just want to be comfortable again. Please don't get me wrong. Rarely in my life do I really ever consider my size. It does not affect my self-worth or my self-esteem. And it hasn't in a really long time. What it amounts to is that I know when I really felt good, and that was when I was eating right and working out. So, those are two things that I can totally do again. I just have to put forth some effort. I have to want it. And despite talk about the subject before, I think this time I'm ready.
**Bonus points to anyone who knew that the title of today's post came from an episode of Full House.