Saturday, February 6, 2010

On Growing Up...

So, once upon a time, I hated being single.  I'd whine and complain and when something really happy would happen for someone I love, I would be pretend happy.  Don't get me wrong, I was glad my friends were getting married or engaged.  And I would be as happy as I could be for them, but it was always sort of tainted--heavy with the "Why not me?" of it all. 

And lately (as in the last couple of months), I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be single, and more importantly what it means to be content in that.  Because truth be told, I've always played at it in the past.  I did the things I was supposed to, said the things I was expected to, and thought that was enough.  But it wasn't.  I asked God to change my heart when I gave my talk last month, and He made good on that. 

Which brings me to this week.  This week, I had to be gone for two days to Jr. Beta Convention, and as I was trying to pack my bags and haul them in the snow and thaw my car, I couldn't help but think about how nice it would be to NOT be single.  As I ran all of my errands for work this next week, I couldn't help but think about how nice it would be to have someone to keep me company.  Then, I got very sick on Friday morning, and while I would never want to subject someone to the horrors of that day, I couldn't help but think how nice it would be to have someone to take care of me.  (Thank you, Mama, for the groceries.)  Just a whole lot of thinking about how, despite being okay with it, I don't always like being single. 

Which brings me to today.  Today, one of my favorite people, Michael, asked the sweetest girl I know (aka Lauren) to be his wife.  I received his email at 9:36 a.m. telling me the whens and wheres and have been bouncing off the walls ever since.  (Or bouncing as much as my recovering stomach would allow me!)  And it wasn't until I was driving home tonight, after seeing the ring (she said yes, of course) and hearing the story, that I realized that I wasn't even the slightest bit jealous.  I was just happy, overwhelmingly so, in fact.  It wasn't about going through the motions, because I have never felt anything more real in my life.  Long story slightly shorter, I guess this is what it feels like to grow up.  This is what it feels like to be truly content.  And I am so very thankful.


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