Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Truth of the Matter

Since I make it a practice not to lie to you, my wonderful people on the interwebs, I am just going to admit that lately, I've been struggling.  Okay, if we are being honest, I've been struggling for a lot longer than lately, but I think it's just that I've recently come to terms with the where I was and where I want to be of it all.  At almost 32, I kind of, almost, sort of feel like I have a handle on my day-to-day life.  Until I feel like I don't. And in those moments, all bets are off.

I've come to terms with the fact that I have a genetic predisposition for depression.  I didn't realize just how deep that really was until a few years ago, but it's there.  I haven't taken medicine for it at this point, because I haven't really felt that I needed it.  But I wouldn't be opposed to it if the need arose.  When I really started writing this blog, it was after what was one of the hardest times of my life.  I had "dropped my basket" and this blog was my therapy.  It still is, even though I don't get time to blog as often as I once did.  You wonderful people, most of whom I've never met, have become my army of encouragers and that's a gift that I don't take lightly.  I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

Some days are still hard.  I still don't do sudden change well.  (As evidenced by a little crying jag I had just this morning over something I can neither change nor control.)  I still have to work hard not to let my triggers control me.  Things that are very simple for some people are not simple for me. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also not where I was.  And there's something so beautiful in the grace of that.

7 comments:

  1. Depression is nothing to mess around with. Thank goodness that in today's society it doesn't have the stigma that it used to. Being married to someone who has extreme depression, medicine definitely helps.

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    1. Right now, I'm doing well without it. But I have no problem going to get some if I get to a point where I feel it is something that would help.

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  2. I'm so proud of you! It takes a lot to admit that. I am also so glad you are open to accepting this and medication should the need arise. Acceptance and keeping your eye on how you are feeling will do wonders for you. That is so huge!

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    1. I've been dealing with this personally for the last three or four years, but I hadn't really ever said it outright here. I've found that by doing many little things to keep my stress level relatively low and just monitoring how I'm feeling (do I want to sleep all the time?, etc.), I can manage my symptoms.

      I do try to be mindful that this isn't possible for everyone, nor is it the right form of treatment for everyone. But for now, it's working for me.

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    2. I can totally relate because depression runs in my family and I've been dealing with it for quite a few years. It took me a while to learn to read the signs, depression can be so deceiving, but I did take medication when needed and it always worked well, even if it took a little while sometimes for it to work. Being careful to manage it (seems like you're doing that well) is super important because it is so insidious and can get worse within a matter of days (at least it did me). Take care my friend :)

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  3. Do not waste what could be wonderful days - so go get some meds and give it a try! I had a time when I was in my 40's when I needed to see a doctor, and got on some anti-depression medicine and it certainly helped me, and the people who live with me! Women have hormonal changes, genetic pre-dispositions, life-style choices, etc. Thank God (and scientists)for modern medicine to help balance it out! Don't be afraid - and don't waste your valuable days!

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    1. I appreciate that, Marla. I honestly feel pretty good right now. The stress of the end of the year has been a bit much, but I haven't had any of the symptoms that I once dealt with. I feel strongly about medicine, but right now, my doctor (and I) don't feel that it's necessary. But I appreciate you being one of those encouragers for me!

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